I always loved attending Sunday Mass. As a child, just because my family would go together, as a young adult, because I was going on my own. As I married and had children, I actually began the study of my Catholic faith. For the first time, at 33 years old, I went to Mass to experience Eucharistic enrichment. I went to Mass to feel community. I went to hear the Scriptures. I went to be in communion with My Savior himself, and I grew in my faith exponentially. As a Mother, training my six living children to understand the Mass, I grow still. Remembering the postures of the Mass are all significant. Teaching them how the church puts all the Bible readings in the Missal, so we can enjoy without toggling back and forth from Old Testament to Psalms, to New Testament, then the Gospel. It's all beautiful and complete with its sacred reverence and feeling of supreme importance in our busy lives.
But now, since I've miscarried my precious Noah, Mass has greater gift for me.
The Church has always taught, and maybe this was just an oversight on my behalf, that the "Whole Church" comes to the consecration of the Lamb. Whole church meaning the three parts of our church. The "Church Militant", that's us who live and fight the good fight while we are here on earth. The "Church Suffering", that is those who have died, and are being purified in purgatory. They will see our creator soon, and they are suffering the agony of waiting. And finally, the "Church Triumphant". Those are the Saints who have already received their glorious reception in the Holy Place. Heaven is theirs, and they are victorious!
Because my son, died in my womb, he was not born. Therefore, he does not have the stain of original sin. He made it! He's a Saint in Heaven! Out of all my six living children, that I will pray for, so that they can get to Heaven someday- I have tremendous comfort knowing Noah is already there.
So, when I go to Mass, and the celebrant calls on the Whole Church, the Angels and Saints to join us in our triumphant hymn of praise.... I close my eyes, and I envision my baby Noah. I see him cooing, and happy, chubby and beautiful! Today, I saw my older son Joseph, who would be 25 years old now, and he was holding his little brother. I was brought to tears. And although it pains me to think, I will not see these two son's, until I get to Heaven- I can smile through my tears. How great is Our God! He created a worship place, He summons his Church to celebrate the Memorial of His Son's death, as we rejoice in the Resurrection, week after week. And all through our lives, we get to share with the Whole Church at this most special place of purpose, we call The Mass. I never saw it this way before. But there I am with those who have gone before me: Grandma's, Grandpa's, cousin's, friend's, and all my hero's, the Saints. To console my weary heart today, I received the gift of seeing my two son's- healthy, whole, handsome, and well with God. What more can a Mom ask for?
Since Noah's death, I have a yearning to attend Mass more. Of course, Christ is the focal point. But being in communion with Him, allows me to feel my lost ones close, and to heal from the grief. Thank you Jesus!